. . . and it all started with this.
You know those first few seconds after you wake up and your thoughts are as vivid as your dreams? Those few semi unconscious moments when your brain is relaxed and your thoughts and memories are as real as the bed beneath you. Last week, I woke up thinking about my cousin Ernie. I opened my eyes and the first image I had was of him the day he killed himself. Unlike other dreams, I was unable to shake him from my thoughts. I could see the scratches on his neck and picture him trying to dig his fingers under the cord he used to hang himself. WTF? For those few seconds I could feel his regret, his realization that asphyxiation is a painful and drawn out way to go. I wonder what his lasts thoughts really were.